Lily
couldn't take any more. The knot in her gut would not leave
and her stomach felt as if it was digesting itself. She felt
sick, she felt guilty. She felt used. She was every psychotic's
excuse for their own psychoses.
She
felt tainted, poisonous and poisoned. He insides seemed rancid
to her, toxic.
The
guilt and the fear and the finger-pointing were taking their
toll on Lily. She needed a release from the stress and the anguish
and the guilt that was weighing her down, eating her up. She
needed to be cleansed, be rid of the spilled blood she felt
now flowed through her own veins.
Lily
sat on the cold white-tiled floor in the bathroom and rummaged
in her vanity case. She found a disposable razor and a nail
file to pry open the plastic casing and liberate the instrument
of her redemption.
She
gazed at the razor blade, looked at it as if it were something
mystical, something mysterious, something that held answers
to unanswerable questions, and all she needed to do was feed
it to gain that knowledge.
She
drew the blade slowly across the pad on her index finger and
closed her eyes, savouring the pain and the release it gave
her. She smiled as her blood welled up like a glistening wet
garnet. She watched, entranced, as the blood began to trickle
down the length of her finger and into the palm of her hand.
She sat there, eyes closed again, bloodied palm outstretched,
her face beaming like an ecstatic stigmatic.
Lily
raised her hand to her mouth and slowly licked at the red stream.
The flavor of piquant metal on her tongue sedated her, began
to thaw out the chill in her bones and made her feel a few moments
of calm and peace.
But
she needed more. Wanted more. A trickle was not enough when
what she wanted was a scarlet gush to flush out the dirt. She
had to cut deeper, harder. She needed to drain the blood.
She
didn't want to die. She didn't want to not exist. She just wanted
to bleed.
Lily
drew the blade down the length of her forearm, deep enough for
the wound to piss blood, but not deep enough to bleed her dry.
She
felt the pristine chemical rush of endorphins and adrenaline
kick in as the blood dripped on to the clinical white tiles
and the pain made her shut her eyes tight and take in her breath
sharply.
She
looked at the pool of her own blood, warm, wet and fluid, in
stark contrast to the cold, hard ceramic. She dipped her fingers
in the crimson pool and began to write on the floor.
She
wrote, in bold letters.
Vampire
Red.

A
colour.
Make
the streets run vampire red, the Ministry of Lily had told
their cult members via their website.
"Vampire
red," she said. Her words echoed off the cold, hard walls
and came back to her like the whisper of a ghost.
Lily
cleaned the bathroom until no trace of blood was visible. She
was sure that if it were to be sprayed with Luminol, it would
look like an abattoir, but to the naked eye it was once again
hospital white.
"Vampire
Red," she whispered again a she closed the door behind
her.
© Alex
Severin 2004